Affairs of the Heart
byon 07-04-2010 at 03:14 AM (825 Views)
I could probably write an entire novel just about my feelings right now in relation to my equine brethren.
You know those commercials that try to appeal to your senses? Like the ones where you get slightly abstracted imagery of people opening beverages and drinking them and then they have that "auuuh" moment? I dunno, somehow that seems to apply to how I'm feeling. But without the "auuuh" at the end.
I sold my horse when I was 18 after struggling for years between spending time with him and being so sick from allergies. I'm allergic to dust, hay, pollen, and all that fun stuff. I'm at the point where antihistamines do not work, neither do the expensive, nasty, hardcore ones that you need a prescription to get that give you all sorts of side effects. I am supposed to get the allergy shots every week, but that costs money and I can't do that while pregnant or breastfeeding anyway (and it seems like I've either been doing one or the other for the last four years!).
It has been almost seven years since I rode a horse, or spent much time with any horses, and since I have seen my horse...
You know that moment near the end of the Walt Disney Black Beauty movie when John finds Black Beauty at the auction and it is so heart wrenching because he is happy to have found him and happy to now get to take him home but sad to see how bad of shape he is in and sad to have missed so many years with him and so on? Okay, seriously, that isn't just a bunch of idiotic sap... that is definitely the deep feelings many horse-owners feel for their horses.
It has taken me years to mourn my horse (he's not dead but I probably will never see him again)... and I thought I was finally over him, and over the fact that horses aren't really a part of my life anymore. I thought I was over all that and had moved on in my life and everything is okay and I'm content and its all good... etc. etc. etc...
Well, I went to see my cousin barrel race this summer and we went back to see her after her ride... and we put Jayden up on Elliot (one of the horses they brought in) and then, when Jayden was done, I decided to ride Elliot for a little bit with some encouragement from Kerstin. It was awkward and a little scary to be back in the saddle so many years later... especially at a Rodeo on a horse I've never ridden before, who was nervous because he was at a Rodeo which is a place he's never been before. But I rode him around, and even galloped him down the race track for a few paces.
I was sore for a week! NO LIE!
Anyway, it awoke something in me... suddenly, it felt like there was potential in this part of my life again...
Then, this week, my little sister came to stay with us. RANDOM. She really wanted to go out to Grandpa's farm to see Mouse. So, we went out. Uncle Merv was there and wanted to go on a trail ride. I went digging through our stuff that we have stored at grandma's house and found my old cowboy boys for my little sister to borrow so that she could go riding with Uncle Merv and his wife and daughter. Turns out, my sister has monster sized feet compared to me, hahahaha... so, she couldn't wear them. So, for shiggles, I decided to try them on. The really worn-in ones were too snug, but my parade boots still fit. Uh Oh.
I wore them around the barnyard and was starting to really feel myself again when Uncle Merv asked me if I wanted to go for a ride with them. I said that I guess I could, seeing as I found my books and all. I rode my cousin's barrel racing horse. I saddled the horse up and got in the saddle. I was a bit nervous cuz the darn horse wanted to run the whole time and we had some green riders and some green horses on this ride, so we needed to keep the pace to a walk. The silly horse pranced the whole time.
It felt really good to be in the saddle, though. I was starting to really feel comfortable up on a horse by the end of the ride and was wishing it would never end.
Uncle Merv bought three BEAUTIFUL.. and I MEAN BEAUTIFUL... horses at an auction a few days ago and I am in love with them. They aren't broke or trained or anything yet, but I wwwaaaant them. He is feeling bad for buying them now because he can't really afford to have any more horses but they were going for so cheap that he couldn't pass them up. I really really really really want to buy one off him to train and ride.
WHAT THE HECK!?!?!
It feels so weird that have this piece of me returning...
I can't stop thinking about hoooorrrssesss, again, suddenly!
There are TEN YEARS, A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION, A YEAR OF COLLEGE, A WEDDING, TWO PREGNANCIES, AND COUNTLESS HOURS OF MOM-HOOD between these two photos!
Away we go :p
The pretty horses that I waaaaaaant...
Their withers are CONSIDERABLY higher than the top of my head!!! They are biiiiiigggg ponehs!!!
Seriously, the depth of my emotions with this probably don't make sense to some... its just, this was a very big part of WHO I WAS back then... a part of me that I thought was gone forever... and now, well, now I have unexpectedly rekindled a flame, awakened a desire that was laying deep within me... and the frustrating part of it is; I can't afford a horse and I'm still allergic to everything involved with horses.